Crankyville, Population: 1

I hate the two-week wait. Seriously. Waiting can shove it.

Of course, my wait is longer than two weeks because my clinic schedules pregnancy tests like a million days after transfer. At my old clinic, I had to wait 9 days for a beta. Not bad. I don’t remember feeling particularly tortured during that time. But now? Forget it. This wait feels endless.

I’m not going to test early. I do not want a seat on that roller coaster. I’ve seen too many negative pregnancy tests in my time. I don’t ever want to look at one, ever again. The beta shall remain the Final And Only Word on the matter.

I promised myself I wouldn’t start analyzing symptoms. For those of you who don’t know, everyone who does IVF or a frozen embryo transfer takes progesterone. Fun fact about progesterone: it mimics pregnancy symptoms. So there’s really no way to tell if you’re feeling pregnancy or progesterone. Which means analyzing symptoms is useless. However, a few days ago I started feeling nauseous. I fooled myself into thinking this was a legit sign. Since I wasn’t feeling it up to that point, it couldn’t be the progesterone, right?

Yeah, well, it’s not the progesterone, but it is something that has nothing to do with a pregnancy. I realized this morning that I started feeling nauseous at the exact same time I switched out my calcium brand. And calcium often makes me super sick to my stomach. So yeah, boo. I’m annoyed that I let myself fall into that trap.

There’s been good news in the last two weeks, though: one of our embryos made it to freeze! Huzzah! Anyone who knows my history knows that a cycle yielding 3 decent-quality embryos to transfer and one to freeze is HUGE for us. We will never have a freezer full of blastocysts like some of you lucky bloggers out there, but I am so incredibly grateful for one. We also have an embryo leftover from our first cycle, which means we have two frozen embryos total, all ready for another transfer if needed. But I really hope we don’t need it. I just heard from Braverman’s office that we have to get the full panel of immune testing done again before we can start another transfer. Those tests take six weeks to come back. This means we likely wouldn’t be able to do another transfer until January as our clinic closes for several weeks in December. Mother effer.

I’m just cranktastic today, there’s no getting around it. I’m tired of this wait. And sick of infertility in general. Like, I am so over it. I’m having a grand old time throwing a pity party for myself. I’d invite you guys, but you don’t want to come. It would probably be the lamest party you ever attended.

60 thoughts on “Crankyville, Population: 1

  1. Dude, you must be made of steel to resist POAS. Seriously. Like Iron Woman material. I give you mad props on that part. I have high hopes that your next post-beta blog will be full of exclamation marks and smiley faces! you’re totally entitled to be cranky this weekend. You’ve earned it. 🙂

  2. I am with you on the testing. The few times I have done it during a 2WW I actually hyper ventilate and can’t breathe when I am waiting the two minutes. It is even worse then sitting around for the beta call. I would still come to this party because you are awesome. Wish I could be there in person to let you vent, give you a hug and maybe even make you laugh. You got this. Xo

    1. Yeah I am so there with the testing too. I did one test only this time and that was because I needed to confirm what the hell was going on with my bloods. I think doing too much of that stuff and even having too many betas turns me into a crazy woman.

  3. You’ve got legit reasons to be in Crankyville, methinks! That beta policy is just torture. And not being able to do another cycle until next year… gah! You can be as cranky as you want!

    Congrats on the freezer baby, and here’s hoping for good news soon! Hang in there, mama!

  4. You know, if you invited me to your cranky party I’d turn it into a happy party! Mainly because how could we not be happy actually meeting each other!? 🙂
    Okay, in all seriousness, I 100% agree with your approach to not test. Seeing a negative test will do nothing for you. And seeing a positive test also wont help because the beta’s are what really matter. Also, I have to say I really hope the delay for another cycle doesn’t even happen, because I really hope this one works!! So, while you hang out in crankyville (which you are totally allowed to do and I get why), I’m going to hang out over here and just think positive thoughts for you!!

  5. Hooray that you have 1 frostie! I give u credit for waiting until beta day…i always said I would and totally caved. I hate that those progesterone supplements mimic pregnancy too…hope the rest of this week flies by 😊

    1. Thanks, girl! I still can’t believe I didn’t cave. When it got close enough I was just like, “Welp, I guess I’ve already waited this long. What’s another xx days?”

  6. Eeek! That’s wonderful news about your frostie!! I’ve been thinking of you and will continue to keep you in my prayers! Ugh, I hate those long ass waits before beta. My first transfer was a full two weeks and it was awful! Like you, I refuse to test at home. I also know what you mean about the progesterone. Hang in there mama, you’re almost there! xo

  7. Ha, I almost wrote this post last night. I am already at that pity party.And it sucks as it’s ALCOHOL FREE. Boo. This waiting for a scan has been endless and torture and ugh. I wish I could just sleep until Wednesday to be honest. That would be helpful. You are so close now hon. I was just thinking of you this morning. Almost there. You know the good thing about late beta testing is that if you don’t already have your period by the time they do the beta I think it is a pretty good sign. I am holding out hope so much that this is your time but I’m also thrilled that you have two other beautiful embies that mean you don’t have to stim again to get another go if that’s what you end up needing. Come on embies. Grow baby grow. Thinking of you xoxo

    1. OMG what is worse than an alcohol free Cranky Party? I can think of very few things. The good news it, that by now I have made it through my beta and you have made it through your scan (barely, but we did it). YAY!

    1. Thank you! What is WITH the 15 day wait? How’s your spotting today. I’ve been wanting to comment on your posts so badly with “This is happening to me, too!” But felt weird doing so when I hadn’t let the cat out of the bag yet.

      1. Spotting is the same it seems to stop in the morning and start again around lunchtime. I am so over it as I am sure you are! I just can’t enjoy being pregnant with the constant fear that it will all be over at any moment. Congrats again I am so happy for you!!

  8. I would completely to the party too. We could all sit around and Bitch about all the endless effed up things about infertility! My clinic made me wait 16 days for beta!! I feel your pain….torturous. best of luck hun. I’ll be looking for your updates!

  9. Any party you’re at, I wanna be at too!!! And happy freezing to your little frostie.
    Hold your nerve just a little longer. Think about all the ways you can enjoy testing instead of madly rushing at it. Lol. Rehearse your ‘oh my god!!!’ face lol

  10. Oh man – the waiting sucks so much. There is nothing like the two week blocks that you live through while waiting for a pregnancy. I gave three years up to waiting in little blocks of time and it truly is the absolute pits. However, what IS good is your extra embie that’s frozen (yay!), and your beautiful looking transferred eggs this time around. If you resist poas you are a stronger woman than me. I used thousands – I could never bear the not knowing, ha! Thinking of you and keeping everything crossed x

    1. Thanks, girl! I think there’s two types of infertiles/RPLers — the peeing on the stick kind and the hold outs. It always fascinates me to find out which way people go. I remember that story you told me about the lady at the pee stick company telling you that she “hopes it works this time.” I love that story and still get a chuckle out of it!

      1. Yes, bless her 😀 I emailed her and told her it did work in the end! I must’ve been through literally hundreds of tests in the last few years. Good job they were reliable and cheap 😉.

  11. Oh man still waiting???? It seems like FOREVER ago you had your transfer and I’m not even the one waiting for my results! Omg amazing news on the frosties!!!!! I always hoped in one of my cycles I’d get at least one but it never happened. Thank goodness I finally got one that was at least worthy of a transfer. I’m with you on testing, in theory. I don’t think I was ever able to not cave & test, but I do know that I felt awful in the days leading up to beta when day after day I kept seeing the stupid single line staring back at me. I’m rooting for you that you won’t even need those frosties for backup! Come on embabies! Xx

      1. Thanks! She really is, it’s crazy! She actually looks about ready to come out already – makes my gut feeling that she’ll be a premie too even stronger… Hard to believe it could happen within the next month!

  12. I’m there with you, as some pretty severe anniversaries are coming up for me. I feel like there is something wrong with my cycle, and I’m having to wait two more weeks (been waiting for a month so far) to see the doctor. So, even though there are different circumstances, I would say population:2. I’m right there with you

  13. Urg waiting is so dumb.. We are on a freeze all because I responded too well to the stupey needles and due to our baby lady going on holiday then a public holiday I have to wait 23 days from the start of this monthly cycle (29 days post egg retrival) plus the 2 weeks!!!! #%£%£~#%!!!!!! That’s 43 MF*n days Bleh…. Currently 12 days past egg retrieval, 31 to goooo……😩

  14. Oh man. I would totally come to your party and keep you company. The waiting is so hard and I would always tell myself that I wouldn’t test or look for symptoms but every time I would. I found the progesterone (pessaries) really tough (I take to keep the pregnancies viable), what with nausea, cramping and absolute exhaustion – not to mention the smell! Just take it a day at a time, keep blogging to help with the frustration and it looks like a lot of people are thinking of you x

  15. Oh man! Your so close though. I just started my tww. I’m working on stacking my week up so that I have something going on every day to keep my mind busy. I allowed myself to actually feel excited about this last treated cycle, but I feel like it will be hard fall if it is negative. So true about progesterone. Thats what got in my head last time. I thought.. just maaaaaaybe. And then nope. Thinking about you!!! Praying for good news soon. ❤

  16. A cranky party is right up my street! My face says cranky on a good day *nods*. Great news about your frostie! I recall the joys of progesterone symptoms, I know you should ignore all symptoms during ivf but it is hard not to get hopeful. I have progesterone to start tomorrow (for second part of my natural cycles). I wish your torturous wait was over, it really is hell. Thinking about you and sending hugs. xo

  17. We did and it was with Dr. B.
    I was on lovenox, prednisone and neupogen. Then, when I was 6 months pregnant, he advised me on ivig based on my blood test results, although he wasn’t sure 100%. I didn’t want to risk, so I took one dose. Thank God, we got our boy 15 months ago without any complications 😦
    I wish you uneventful rest of the pregnancy 🙂

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