IVF #2: One

And that’s what we’re left with: one embryo. The other two are still alive, but she thinks that they will arrest by tomorrow. And that one “good” one? It’s not even that great. It’s two cells at day two, which is the minimum you can have at this point. The embryologist says that if we want to do a transfer of that one it will have to be on day 3. And that means no genetic testing.

I’m trying to get a hold of my doctor to discuss all of this before making a decision about a day 3 transfer, but it’s been over three hours and she hasn’t back called yet. I get that doctors are busy, but SERIOUSLY?

And that’s it. I don’t understand how this could’ve happened. It went from a pretty good cycle the first time to a really bad cycle this time. No minor variations here. Good to total crap. What the HELL, you guys?

I’m so disillusioned with this entire process. I have no idea if I can ever go through this again. It just breaks my heart. I’m so tired of grieving. I’m so tired of picking myself back up.

I am spent.

65 thoughts on “IVF #2: One

  1. i am so sorry this is happening. i wish i could help to make it better. it’s times like this that used to wish for a crystal ball. big hug to you. keeping hope for your one.

  2. My heart is breaking for you, and I’m just hoping all the hope I have that the little embryo pulls through. I get the tiredness, being “spent”. I totally get it. Thinking good vibes and prayers in your direction today, friend.

  3. I am so so sorry this cycle has been so different and so frustrating. I know there is nothing I can say to make it better, but I am thinking of you and hoping that you get through this. Your doctor was an idiot for not calling you back asap. These are the times you need them most and she should have been there 😦

    1. Thanks, Faye. She did eventually called me back, and then again called me right away when I needed to talk to her this morning, so I suppose she is forgiven for now. Thank you for your continued support and encouragement.

      1. I’m glad she found the time to talk to you – it’s so important to feel like you matter when you’ve under the care of someone else. Hope you’re hanging in there and doing okay xxx

  4. I have so been here. It is shocking and heart breaking and tiring all at once. Just let yourself feel all the emotions and know you will get through it. One day this will just be a part of the story. Xo

    1. “One day this will just be a part of your story.” I love this so much. BTW, my doc officially diagnosed me with low ovarian reserve yesterday. So I am now going to become your DOR disciple and learn as much as I can from you — you are clearly a bad ass and your miracle son is proof that you know how to overcome the odds! πŸ™‚ Thank you again for your incredible support and for walking beside me on this journey.

      1. I am still hanging out on hope street for these fighter embryos but in the off chance you have to keep fighting the battle we will definitely talk. DOR just means we may have to be patient waiting for that little egg that will eventually find us. Thinking of you!! Xoxo

  5. It’s so painful to have something you want so much, and to have so little control over how to get there. I’m sorry for your news–that is so tough. Sending you hugs and good vibes for success with your little fighter.

  6. I just want to give you a big warm hug. One that holds you up so you don’t even have to stand by yourself. One of those. And not let go for aaaaaaages. So you can have a little break. This round is tough and shit and not fair. xx

  7. My heart breaks. I know that disillusionment too well. I have been there and I found strength with time. You will too! I am praying for your one. Take care of you. Hugs!

    1. Thank you. I am so sorry that you know this disillusionment and heartbreak well, but I am glad that you have been able to find strength. Your prayers seem to be working, as things are looking up today!

  8. I am so very sorry 😦 I know there is nothing I can do or say to lift you up, and I have certainly been there with the disillusionment myself. I would feel the same way I’m sure if I were in your shoes right now. Sending you wishes of light, peace and strength… and lots of hugs. xxx.

    1. Thank you for your hope — I think it is working as they are doing better today. It is so good to hear from you. I hope you’re doing ok. I’ve been thinking about you!

  9. I am truly sorry. Please don’t give up on your embryo(s) yet. Be as upset as you need to be but if there is a chance, I say take it. Meanwhile… Gosh, this just sucks and I want to throat-punch the universe on your behalf.

    1. Thank you for offering to fight the Universe for me haha. And you are right, I shouldn’t give up on those embryos because they are still fighting hard today. Thank you for keeping the faith for me when I couldn’t.

      1. I feel as though I’m on pins and needles waiting on your embryos actually. I’m sending out positive energy to them and calming thoughts to you. Fingers and other digits crossed!

  10. I am so, so sorry. I wish there were something better to be said, but it sucks, it’s not fair, your doctor is being a jerk, and that’s all there is to it. I wish I could do something to lift the despair that’s coming through in your post, but I certainly understand why you feel that way — to go through all the time, energy, crazy-making injections, and invasive procedures, and to wind up with not even a great shot at pregnancy with no rhyme or reason that anyone can give you… I can’t even imagine. I’m just so sorry.

    1. Thank you so much, Lyra. I really appreciate your empathy and support. This whole baby-making gig is a wild effing ride to be sure, as you well know. I’m hoping for sweet babies in the not-distant future for both of us. Xo.

  11. Oh hunni, I am so incredibly sorry! This journey is so unpredictable. Sometimes it feels like it pulls our hearts out of our asses! But don’t lose hope. Not yet. Believe you have a little fighter here to stay. It just takes one! Praying for you my friend! xoxo

    1. Thank you so much for the prayers! That embryo is still fighting, and now he has a friend along for the ride. Thank you for keeping the faith and hope for me yesterday when I couldn’t. Xo.

    1. Thank you so much for keeping hope alive for me yesterday when I couldn’t — that embryo may just pull through yet (and he may even have a buddy along for the ride)! Fingers crossed.

  12. Tanya, I am so sorry this has been such a hard cycle. I pray for rest and peace for you. And I am still praying for new life. Love you!

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