As The Ovaries Turn: IVF #2 On The Horizon

Things are moving along here in baby-making land. I had my hysteroscopy a couple of weeks ago and that went well. My doctor said that she did see a slight curve in my uterus, but neither she nor the other doctor she discussed it with felt that it was an issue. So no additional surgery needed, hooray!

I’m currently estrogen priming, which entails taking estrogen pills twice a day. This is to ensure that the follicles grow at the same rate during the stimulation phase of IVF–a greedy, over-acheiving follicle is a very bad thing indeed. Once my next cycle starts, I’ll have a day two ultrasound, and if that looks good (fingers crossed no cysts!), I’ll start injections that night. Of course, the pharmacy is being dumb (long and boring story), so I’m not altogether sure that we’ll get our medications in time, but hopefully we can borrow from our clinic if needed.

I haven’t decided yet if I’m going to blog during this next IVF. I really want to keep my head on straight, and I wonder if the blogging play-by-play last time increased my anxiety. Or maybe I would’ve been an Anxious Annie no matter what (let’s be honest). I might even take a full-on blogging break for a bit to make sure I’m feeling centered. Who knows, dudes. I’m saying all of this, but I might be back posting again tomorrow, all like “Did you guys miss me?!” I guess I just want to let you know that if I do drop off a bit, it’s not because something is wrong.

One of my teachers on this baby-making endeavor, Julia Indichova, often talks about how this journey does not need to feel like a prison sentence. It is only our perspective, she says, that makes it feel like a punishment. I think this is very wise. Some days I do feel trapped in a jail of my own making–like either I’m stuck waiting indefinitely or I have to give up completely. Some days are really, really hard. But other days, I am able to shift my thinking and see this all for what I, deep down, truly believe it to be: a great adventure. An opportunity to become more compassionate towards others, and also towards myself. A chance to get well acquainted with hope and faith.

Thankfully, today is one of those days. I’m feeling pretty good. I don’t know what will happen with the next IVF, and right this minute I don’t really care. Because right this minute I am feeling grateful. I’m thinking about the two pairs of blue eyes–one big and one little–that I get to look into each day. I’m thinking about the cold rain on my face as I left work this evening. Normally, that rain would have pissed me off, but today I was like, yes!

Because, really: how lucky I am to feel that rain. How lucky I am to hear and see. To have good, plentiful food to eat. To know deep love. How lucky I am to feel each breath–a constant rhythm, a reassurance that I am here, right now, exactly where I’m meant to be.

29 thoughts on “As The Ovaries Turn: IVF #2 On The Horizon

  1. Beautiful words my friend. I read a freat quote today, “Focus on the results and you’ll never make progress. Focus on the progress and you’ll see results.” I think it’s perfectly fine to take it day by day, hun ❤ Will be thinking and praying for you. Xoxo

  2. I really like that quote above, and I like your perspective. Personally, I think this IVF journey is kind of like a science experiment. And I thought about not blogging, but I do prefer to keep my notes in one place. I like thinking of the people who comment, and those I read. It gives me peace to pray for others while I am going through my own stuff. I can understand why people keep quiet but for me, since I don’t share with anyone in my real life, I need to blog.

  3. I absolutely respect your decision to take a break from writing and even blogging in general. I think the absolute most important thing for you right now is to be centered. Who knows you might find that writing actually helps you, but whatever the case, I think you need to put yourself first and do whatever is best for you right now. Sending you love and wishing you the absolute best!!!

  4. We are all so lucky. I like what that chickster has to say. It reminded me of the Russell quote – you aren’t feeling your circumstances but your thinking about your circumstances. It is all in the head and ultimately we decide how we see things and how we get to feel about them. Just some days it’s so freaking hard to get off the gravy train. So pleased you are in the good zone today. I love those days. That’s where the magic is. Thinking of you xx

  5. Loved this! I think I might come back to this on my rough days! It really is all about perspective! You will be in my thoughts whether you blog or not. 🙂

  6. You sound calm and focused and like you’ve made enough emotional space for yourself to feel whatever comes up on the day. Tons of luck if we don’t hear from you, and I look forward to reading if we do. xx

  7. “How lucky I am to feel each breath–a constant rhythm, a reassurance that I am here, right now, exactly where I’m meant to be.” This really spoke right to my heart and I am so with you on that. Every day is a blessing for each of us. Wishing you all the very best as you approach this cycle, and whether you write about it or not, we’ll be here in case you need us xxx

  8. Oh girl I’ve missed you so much. I totally get your wanting to keep a little distance. I totally thought at the start of my cycle I’d keep quiet but I couldn’t, because I was keeping quiet in real life too and I needed desperately to not keep things to myself. My blog is not known to my real life people, so I know it’s much different for you to be sharing your progress. No matter what you decide, I believe strongly that you’ll have another successful round, and that this time your little embaby will find a more appropriate spot to latch on for 8+ months. Lots of love! Xx

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