Last night I woke up at 2 am. My underwear was soaked in bright red blood.
That’s it, I thought. I’m losing this baby. I stared at the ceiling all night. I took a shower. I cried.
This morning I called my doctor and went in for bloodwork and an ultrasound. The ultrasound revealed that the baby was still there, measuring on track for 6 weeks and 3 days. It was still situated off to the side. There was a heartbeat present, but it took her a minute to find it and I could barely see it. I remember my first ultrasound with Lettie at 6 weeks and 4 days — I saw a beautiful, strong beating heart immediately. I could see it very clearly. This looked different. It looked sluggish. My doc didn’t tell me how fast it was beating, but when I asked her if it looked slow she said yes, but that the heartbeat often starts out slow. It didn’t look great to me, but I am not a doctor.
The doctor told me she spotted a blood clot in the uterus and that’s what was causing the bleeding. She said I could expect more bleeding in the next few days.
The blood clot on its own does not spell certain doom, but she said that women who bleed in the first trimester are more likely to have a miscarriage. She said, “I’m not going to pretend I’m not concerned. I wish I could tell you what will happen either way, but I can’t. I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to wait it out and cross your fingers.”
So I guess we will see. I haven’t really had any more bleeding so far, but my abdomen is sore. I go back on Monday for another scan. My doctor will be on vacation and of course the dreaded Ovarian Overlord will be on duty that day. He’s probably the last person on earth I want to get bad news from, so hopefully there won’t be any.
This baby just keeps getting things stacked against it. I hope he or she is a fighter. But honestly, I am afraid to even hope anymore.
I need a Christmas miracle.
Effing bastarding cocking hell.
MOTHER EFFER!
Oh my gosh. Yes that is so scary, and I am so upset for you. I am sending you so many well wishes and good vibes. Hang in there little babe!
Thank you so much! Come on, little babe!
Hello Tanya, I am very familiar with bleeding the first trimester! I bled both bright red and black including clots, during which my doctor put me on strick bed rest ( total of 14 weeks on disability) I know that’s not what you want to hear but we survived it. It also had nothing to do with Christian’s autism or health problems. My doctor told me that it is more common in older mothers. Call me if you want to ask questions!!! Sending prayers and God’s grace, Lisa
Lisa, thank you for sharing your experience. I do remember Aunt Susie telling me then that you were likely having a miscarriage and I remember feeling so sad for you. But lo and behold, you have a beautiful little boy now. I love you!
I’m sorry things are so scary right now. I had a huge bleed at 7w3d and it was just awful. Really praying you will get good news soon, all this limbo is so horrible xxx
You did? Did you post about it? I will need to go back and read your old posts immediately. I’m glad everything was ok and that was just a scare for you.
Yes, I did! It was on my 8 year wedding anniversary as well. I was NOT happy about it! I just couldn’t imagine it would be okay with so much bleeding with clots. Seemed doomed, but they said it was a haematoma. I had spotting for a long time after but it was all okay. Really hoping for your Christmas miracle xxxx
Oh sweetie I’m sorry. Everything is crossed for you and your Christmas miracle. Xx
Thanks, girl. I really appreciate the support. Your juj worked last time, no reason you can’t be two for two!
Ahhh damn it, im sorry this is happening. Love, strength and positivity coming your way xx
Thank you — I really appreciate it!
So sorry to hear this. Ive got everything crossed that all turns out ok, but i know how painful the waiting is. Ill be thinking of you xx
Thank you! Waiting is the worst, but it goes with the territory, I guess!
I am sorry you are going through this right now. And I am wishing you strength through this time, every thing will be ok. If you have time or want to read the below blog, she has gone through a similar thing with her donor embryo, after years of infertility she finally found herself pregnant but her first trimester experienced blood clots and it was awful but she is happily still pregnant.
http://dontcountyoureggs.typepad.com/
Hope you find some peace and rest
xx
Oh, I will definitely check out this blog. Thank you for sharing! I’m sorry that someone else had to go through this, but it is comforting to know that I am not alone.
I am so sorry that you are facing the prospect of uncertainty, particularly through the holiday season. I am hoping that you will pass the clot and the baby will continue to grow and improve everyday. Sending you love and wishing you peace and many moments of happiness over the next few days as you wait.
Thanks, my friend. Today, I am making a conscious decision to choose hope instead of fear. I’ll probably be making the decision every 5 freaking minutes, but I’m going to try and stick to it! Xo.
I had a bleed when I was farther along than you are now. My doctor told me to save any clots I passed, if I could. I was convinced one was the baby. But he is right now feeding and bathing Lettie. Please hope!
Thanks for sharing this! Maybe he or she is just following in Dad’s footsteps. Might just be a difficult baby thing!
Oh fuck me. I am so sorry hun. Keeping you and your little bean in my prayers. *hugs*
Thank you! Prayers are so, so appreciated.
Is hate how even after a well thought out and planned for pregnancy, this journey of uncertainty and fright continues. I will be sending as much positive energy to you and your little one as i can muster, truly hopes this turns around for you!
I agree with you, it’s total BS. Any infertile should automatically get a free pass for the entirety of pregnancy. But alas, it’s not the case, so we just need to keep on keeping on. Thank you so much for the support!
Praying for your miracle. Love to you.
Thank you, Rhea. I’ve been thinking about your season of Magic and Vultures. It’s so true. May the magic win, for all of us. Xoxo.
Ugh. I am so sorry. Will be thinking of you and sending you lots of good vibes and staying hopeful for you!!!
Thank you so much! I’ll take all the hope I can get!
I am praying for you sugars! I just cant even imagine…
Thank you so much for the prayers!
oh my goodness, i am so sorry to read this post and know that you are going through this right now. i am certainly hoping for the best for you and this little baby. good luck at your next ultrasound.
Thank you! I will keep you posted.
Oh girl! Are you following Jojo? She is going through the exact same thing!!!
No, I am not following her, but I’d like to! What is her blog name? I will look her up, pronto.
Praying that your baby thrives and survives. Will be thinking of you. ❤
Thank you so very much. Xo.
Sending all my best wishes to you and your little one from NYC.
Thank you for the Big Apple vibes! They’ve gotta be bigger and better vibes than anywhere else, right? 🙂
Sending lots of positive vibes. I’m sorry you’re going through this right now. Thinking about you. xx
Thank you so much, my friend.
Praying for good things for you! Fingers crossed over here for smooth sailing soon. Xo
Thank you so much! All the prayers are more than appreciated.
Sending positive vibes your way. Very scary, but glad to see some similar stories with positive outcomes so keep hopeful! thinking of you. x
I am so sad and scared but am redoubling my prayers for your scrappy little bean. Please, baby, you can do this!
I’m reading backwards so you know I know how this all pans out. I am so sorry hon. This whole thing fucking sucks. x