IVF #1: Beta Number 3

First of all, thank you so much for all of your comments and well wishes on my last post. You guys really know how to make a girl feel loved. And guess what? I love you right back!

Today’s beta was 2760. The nurse said that was great, but of course I had to look the number up on a beta calculator after the call. Can’t leave well enough alone, obviously. I found out that the doubling time was 47 hours, which means that things have slowed down from my last doubling time of 36 hours. I’m guessing this is fine, as it’s still within the normal range, but I do wonder if it’s normal for it to slow down. Does anyone know?

I have an ultrasound scheduled on Monday. The nurse said they are just looking for a “speck” in my uterus to confirm that the pregnancy is in the right place. My doctor won’t be doing the scan, which I’m pretty bummed about (it also won’t be the Ovarian Overlord, though, phew), but I’m going to request that she does the rest of them from there on out. I’d rather wait a few extra days between scans if that means she will be there to do them.

The anxiety has been creeping in today, big time. I think the first few days I was riding the high of hearing such good news, but now that things are starting to settle I feel uneasy. I’m a little nervous about Monday’s ultrasound, but I’m even more nervous about the one that will be after that if all goes well on Monday — the ultrasound at around six weeks, the one where we may or may or may not see baby’s heartbeat. I feel sick just thinking about it. As many of you unfortunately know, it’s terrifying to be pregnant after a loss.

Mainly, what’s freaking me out is this: I’ve just realized that I am wholeheartedly invested. After letting the news digest that I am finally pregnant, I’ve quickly become attached to this baby. My baby. And to lose everything now…well again, the thought makes me sick to my stomach.

But I am just borrowing trouble at this point. Right now, everything is ok. Everything is ok! And that is what I need to keep telling myself.

One day at a time, you guys. I can do this.

24 thoughts on “IVF #1: Beta Number 3

  1. That’s a great beta. My sisters betas always are high then level off. All three times. In fact, for her fourth the pattern was so established she didn’t go in for repeats because she knew she’d only obsess. Can’t wait to hear how the ultrasound goes. 🙂

    1. Oh my gosh, I love this link, thank you! It is so informative. The two parts I found especially interesting were that 1) hcg doubling time slows after 1200. So that totally makes sense why my doubling time has slowed down. 2) A higher hcg can indicate a girl. Hmmm…
      Thanks again for passing this along!

      1. I thought you might like it! It has never brought me good news, but I thought it might provide you with some comfort considering where your number are. So happy that you absorbed the bit about slower doubling times after 1200. 🙂

  2. Mmm hmm…it’s hard not to think ahead. But I guess when you say you are invested…you are enjoying yourself enough to be excited for the future. So that’s something 🙂 Keep it up 🙂

  3. You so CAN do this. You got this girl. Stay here and in the moment as much as you can. You are great with meditation so just meditate on the baby growing. You can do this. Slow and steady. You got this and we got you! xx

    1. Thank you! I appreciate the support so much. I’ve been doing this visualization where you imagine your greatest fear in pregnancy. Then you watch that fear burn (dramatic, right?). Then you take a deep breath and imagine your pregnancy going perfectly–great ultrasounds, smooth labor, healthy birth, holding your newborn in your arms, etc. It really does help…as long as I stay on top of it and do it fairly regularly. I just need to keep feeding into the positive and not let the What If thinking spiral take control! Xo.

  4. You can do this. Everything will be fine. Im soooo invested in my bean(s) already, threw caution to the wind and fell in love despite everything. What else can we do?! Good luck but with those numbers, you dont need it! Xx

  5. Elizabeth is right – great beta. Sorry I’ve been MIA, it’s been another rather difficult week for me and work’s been nuts. I am SO SO SO grateful to see this little trooper of yours chugging along. I can’t tell you how happy I am for you!

    1. Thank you! Good to hear from you. I was about to go comment on your post from the beginning of the week to be like, “Are you ok?” since it had been a few days. I’m sorry you’re having a rough week. I’m about to pop over to your blog now to read the latest post. Xo.

  6. I can only imagine how you feel, but I would think it humanly impossible NOT to feel so invested! My IVF was a flop and I am even saying goodbye to my two little embies that never were more than cells so….I do get it. Like the other girls say, one day or even one minute at a time. When, my time comes, shoot that advice right back to me ok? I’ve always been one to get ahead of myself…Take care!

  7. I know it is scary after a loss, if I am lucky again I am sure I will feel that too but I am also determined that I will enjoy every precious day and not let the fear take over. So you should do the same! Try not to obsess over your numbers, they told you they were great hun! Oh and that Dr. Google you need to stop seeing him lol, information overload! I am looking forward to hearing about the wee ‘speck’ on your scan. 😀

    1. Thank you! You are so supportive and I’m beyond appreciative! I really do need to break up with Dr. Google. He just has the WORST bedside manner. I know you’ll get lucky again. I was just talking to Tim about you today, saying how I wished that your time would come already, but that I had faith that you will be a mom. Xo.

      1. Thank you hun, I am keeping my hopes up. This woman is not ready to give in! 😀 You go get that Dr. Google dumped!

  8. Amazing news!!!! I think your feelings are totally normal (I’m already attached to my little embryo I had transferred even though don’t know results yet) just keep hanging in there!! 🙂

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