IVF #1: A Bad Day

Zen has left the building. I’ve officially fallen off the Cliff of Crazy.

Maybe it’s the freezing rain. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s dark outside at 4:29 p.m. Maybe it’s the hormones. Maybe it’s because the doctor I saw this morning had the bedside manner of a gnat.

I don’t know. Nothing earth shattering happened today, but I feel like crap.

As mentioned above, I did not see my regular doctor this morning. What was the new doctor’s name? I have no idea because he mumbled so much that I didn’t catch it. He said everything looked fine, but didn’t tell me any follicle counts or sizes. I asked him how many follicles I had and instead of answering me he said, “Well, we don’t want to get excited about them until they’re at least 14mm.”

Ummmmm, ok? That’s not what I asked, dude.

I left there feeling incredulous. It’s cool for me to inject myself thrice daily, go in for regular break-of-dawn appointments and pay thousands of dollars, but you can’t answer a simple question about what’s going on in my own body? Not acceptable.

I was about to write a complaint email, but then got busy at work and decided to just wait and see what the nurse said this afternoon. Plus, I never write complaint emails because apparently I don’t have the cajones for that.

The nurse said there are five total follicles between 12-13mm and then some smaller ones. But again, she didn’t tell me the size of the smaller ones or how many. I always get so flustered on these phone calls because I’m hiding out in some random doorway or bathroom in my office building and worrying that a web developer or whoever can hear me talk about my ovaries, so I didn’t even ask.

I did ask her how many mature follicles she might expect me to end up with and she said maybe 5-10. Ok, fine, but when I was on a medium dose of Clomid I produced 4 mature follicles. So why on earth would I inject myself for 10-plus days just to maybe only get one more than that!? That makes no sense to me. I probably shouldn’t have even asked her that question and she probably shouldn’t have answered because now I am freaking out. Why aren’t the rest of the follicles growing? Is this normal? And why aren’t they upping my meds? I really just wish I could have seen my regular doctor. I also wish I knew more about this stuff so I didn’t feel so lost all the time.

That’s it right there. I feel lost today.

I know it’s early. I know I shouldn’t get too far ahead of myself. But the rational part of my brain has gone on vacation. Probably to somewhere warm. With 24 hours of sunlight.

Has anyone that’s been through this had follicles catch up after day 6 of stims? Thirty-Year Old Nothing, I know that happened to you and I just re-read your old posts for encouragement. Anyone else?

Ok, deeeeeeep breath. I’m off to see my acupuncturist for the first time since starting injections. May she needle me happy!


24 thoughts on “IVF #1: A Bad Day

  1. I am so sorry that you had such a negative experience this morning – you are so right about the fact that it is your body and you deserve to know what’s going on!
    I wish I could give you some advice, but as a non IVFer, all I can do is with you the best!

    1. Thank you! Best wishes and encouragement are 100% appreciated. After a decent night’s sleep, I’m feeling much better. I think some days just suck and that was one of them. Today is a new day! I’m hoping it’s going to be a good one. 🙂 Xo.

  2. Argh…I feel your frustration! I had three scans before egg collection. First two were boring with slow results, the last one was like WHAMMY there they all are!!!

    1. Ah, good to know! I hope I get my WHAMMY soon! It’s so great to hear all of these stories of late-growing follicles from all of you lovely ladies. I feel so much better already. Thank you for the support and encouragement! Do you now have a baby in your uterus now? I’m about to go check your blog…

  3. Breathe! It’s hard to get any clear answers I found, until the eggs are actually drained from the follicles. It seemed for my last IVF that I my counts for each ovary changed from one US to the next. I’ll be going for my stim day 5 US tomorrow. Feeling a bit apprehensive. Trying to keep a Zen attitude is not easy, is it! Hang in there cycle buddy!! Xx

    1. After many deep breaths and a decent night’s sleep, I am feeling much better this morning. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for your day 5 scan today–definitely update later if you have time. Thanks for the encouragement! I’m glad I have someone to “share” in the crazy of this cycle with!

  4. Sorry to hear the doctor you saw today was a douche canoe. Don’t feel too discouraged tho. My clinic wouldn’t give me an u/s until my E2 levels were past a certain number. I had my first u/s after 7 days of stims and they said something similar to me (5-6 follicles around the same measurements). I hate when they’re vague about the smaller ones! Turns out one of my ovaries was “quiet” (no follicles could be seen) but by my 2nd u/s 2 days later, 3 popped up on that ovary. I was a slow starter and stimmed for 12 days and they were able to retrieve 13 eggs. Hang in there!

    1. Hahaha, douche canoe is such a funny expression. Thank you for sharing your story. That’s great that you got 13 eggs in the end–I’ll be totally psyched if I get that many! I feel like I’ll probably stim longer than 10 days, too, but i guess we’ll see. I’m feeling much better today. It’s amazing what a good night’s sleep will do. Thank so much for the encouragement!

  5. I only had 4 follicles measure above 10mm on day 8 of stims on my last cycle and I had 12 measuring above 10mm by egg collection (9 were 17-23mm and I think 3 were around 12-15mm). They can grow about 2mm a day once they get going so hopefully yours will get a move on soon! Good luck! xx

  6. Mine have always been slow starters but by the time egg collection comes round I’ve always been surprised by the amount they’ve retrieved.I know it’s hard not to but try not to dwell on the numbers for now, things can change pretty quickly. Good luck, I’m sure all will be fine x

    1. Thank you for sharing your story. You are so right, things can change a lot over the next few days. I’m going to try not to dwell. I’m feeling much better today. I really appreciate the support!

  7. It is good reading all your replies! That Doctor wants a slap, so many have the brains to do the job but not the manner! I asked my nurse if how I responded to Clomid was any indication to how I will respond on ivf and she said yes and my doctor was happy at how I responded on clomid. I am think surely we should get more follicles/eggs through ivf? It is hard not to race ahead with all of this isn’t it. Glad you are feeling better after a good nights sleep, it always helps.

    1. Ha, I did end up writing that complaint email, but so far no one has responded. Thats good to know that your nurse said that good clomid response and good IVF response are correlated! Your next scan is tomorrow, right? Good luck! Mine is tomorrow, too.

    1. Man, sleep really does so wonders. I feek like if I could just get a week solid to hibernate and sleep all my problems would be solved! Next scan is tomorrow, fingers crossed…:)

  8. Ugh. I hate non communicative fertility docs. We should be able to refuse care from those idiots given the price we are paying. Then they would either have to change their ways or get punted by their fellow REs who don’t want to keep taking the patients who refuse to see the useless docs. On a more positive note much can change in the days leading up to ER. I’m assuming your next monitoring will be today. Be aggressive in demanding answers while at the clinic or ask that your Dr call you because you have concerns if you get Dr plasma-for-brains again today. Hugs, honey. If it’s any consolation I’ve never stayed zen through an entire cycle despite plenty of practice. 😉

    1. Thank you! I did actually grow a set and wrote a complaint email to my doc about Dr. PFB. She was very gracious about it and said that she really appreciated the feedback and was sorry for my experience. At my scan this morning there were more follicles! The doc did tell me how many and what sizes, but I didn’t write it down and have now totally forgotten. Womp-womp. Next scan is tomorrow!

  9. Oh hon. The first round of IVF really sucks. Everyone kept saying to me to remember how it really is a test for the Drs to see how your body responds and while I hated the fact that it was true, it is true dammit. I just want them to know all the shit from the science and stuff but apparently we aren’t all built the same. Pfffft. Hang in there. You never know what the outcome may be. And dark by 430pm? I’d be pissed as hell too!!!

    1. Haha I think I was one of the people whi told you that. Now I must heed my own advice! Things seemed to be looking up at this morning’s appt. I saw the the follicles (and their sizes), but didn’t write anything down and forgot to count haha. It looked like more had popped up, though!

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