Zen has left the building. I’ve officially fallen off the Cliff of Crazy.
Maybe it’s the freezing rain. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s dark outside at 4:29 p.m. Maybe it’s the hormones. Maybe it’s because the doctor I saw this morning had the bedside manner of a gnat.
I don’t know. Nothing earth shattering happened today, but I feel like crap.
As mentioned above, I did not see my regular doctor this morning. What was the new doctor’s name? I have no idea because he mumbled so much that I didn’t catch it. He said everything looked fine, but didn’t tell me any follicle counts or sizes. I asked him how many follicles I had and instead of answering me he said, “Well, we don’t want to get excited about them until they’re at least 14mm.”
Ummmmm, ok? That’s not what I asked, dude.
I left there feeling incredulous. It’s cool for me to inject myself thrice daily, go in for regular break-of-dawn appointments and pay thousands of dollars, but you can’t answer a simple question about what’s going on in my own body? Not acceptable.
I was about to write a complaint email, but then got busy at work and decided to just wait and see what the nurse said this afternoon. Plus, I never write complaint emails because apparently I don’t have the cajones for that.
The nurse said there are five total follicles between 12-13mm and then some smaller ones. But again, she didn’t tell me the size of the smaller ones or how many. I always get so flustered on these phone calls because I’m hiding out in some random doorway or bathroom in my office building and worrying that a web developer or whoever can hear me talk about my ovaries, so I didn’t even ask.
I did ask her how many mature follicles she might expect me to end up with and she said maybe 5-10. Ok, fine, but when I was on a medium dose of Clomid I produced 4 mature follicles. So why on earth would I inject myself for 10-plus days just to maybe only get one more than that!? That makes no sense to me. I probably shouldn’t have even asked her that question and she probably shouldn’t have answered because now I am freaking out. Why aren’t the rest of the follicles growing? Is this normal? And why aren’t they upping my meds? I really just wish I could have seen my regular doctor. I also wish I knew more about this stuff so I didn’t feel so lost all the time.
That’s it right there. I feel lost today.
I know it’s early. I know I shouldn’t get too far ahead of myself. But the rational part of my brain has gone on vacation. Probably to somewhere warm. With 24 hours of sunlight.
Has anyone that’s been through this had follicles catch up after day 6 of stims? Thirty-Year Old Nothing, I know that happened to you and I just re-read your old posts for encouragement. Anyone else?
Ok, deeeeeeep breath. I’m off to see my acupuncturist for the first time since starting injections. May she needle me happy!