Just a quick update to let you all know that things are going smoothly. I went to my ultrasound yesterday and the doctor said that “everything looks lovely.” I had a good number of follicles growing, and the mysterious cyst/larger follicle had only grown about a millimeter. Last night, I took the same dose of my meds as usual, but tonight I’ll be upping my Menopur dose and adding in Ganirelix. Real-life peeps: Ganirelix is used to ensure that I don’t ovulate before the egg retrieval. Aren’t the med names so futuristic? I can barely spell them. In fact, I probably did spell at least one incorrectly.
My abdomen is starting to bruise from the injections so that makes for some slightly uncomfortable pants-wearing. I’ve switched to leggings for the foreseeable future. I’m still having mild headaches, but the moodiness has subsided for now. A weird thing I didn’t expect is that I think the drugs are messing with my appetite—as in, I don’t really have one right now. I’m not complaining, I just assumed my appetite would be raging since weight gain during IVF seems universal. But I guess that weight gain is probably more due to fluid retention and carrying around, like, twenty monster follicles in your ovaries rather than inhaling a bunch of food.
At brunch this morning a friend asked me if I was feeling positive about the outcome of this cycle. I wasn’t sure how to answer that question. I’m not feeling negative per se, but I certainly don’t have a crazy gut feeling that this cycle will work. I’m more or less just trying to get through each injection, each ultrasound and each phone call from the nurse without getting too far ahead of myself. On the one hand, there’s no reason why it couldn’t work. On the other hand, it’s near impossible for me to actually imagine getting a positive pregnancy test since it’s been so long since I’ve seen one.
Should I be more positive? Maybe. But I’m trying to be gentle with myself and just feel how I feel.
I set an intention at the beginning of this process that I was going to let go and surrender, and shockingly I have more or less done that. That’s not to say there haven’t been minor setbacks, but so far, so good. If I can keep this up through the end of the cycle I will be thrilled.
I feel calm. I am at peace. For now, that is enough.