IVF #1: Future Still Uncertain

Blarg. That pesky cyst is still hanging around. I went back to the doc’s on Friday to get everything checked out. My regular doctor was in a different office that day, so another dude, who I really did not like, did my ultrasound. I don’t even think he glanced at my chart beforehand. He was like, “There is a cyst present.” Yeah buddy, got that memo, thanks. I asked him if it was bigger or smaller than last time and he said he’d go into his office to check. Once I met him there, he told me the cyst was the same size. I asked him what happened if it didn’t go away. He said they can drain it, which isn’t a great option because often it just grows back. The other option is surgery, which I’m sure involves months off for recovery time, not mentioning all the usual risks of surgery.

I left feeling part upset, part relieved and part freaked out. Upset because I couldn’t start that day. Relieved because I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to start that day, since these last couple of weeks just felt so crazy, and IVF would certainly be adding to that crazy. And freaked out because I really don’t want to get surgery.

So I’m thinking, ok, I’m going to take at least a month off.

But then the nurse called me later that afternoon with a curve ball. She said that my doctor wants to convert this cycle to an estrogen priming cycle. Basically, that means that I’ll wait for ten or so days, then come back in so they can check to see if I’ve ovulated. Once that happens, I start taking Estrace (which I think is just estrogen in pill form) until I get my next period. At that point I’ll start the injections on day three. That means no birth control pills (woo!). She said nothing about the cyst, which seemed to be a major issue this morning with the other doctor (and feels like a major issue to me).

I asked the nurse what happens if the cyst doesn’t go away and she was like, “Oh, I don’t know. I think Dr. G. was mostly just concerned about getting your antral follicle count up.” That was the other thing. At my ultrasound before starting birth control, I had 20 follicles, and on Friday the number had gone down to something like five. Anyway, apparently estrogen stops them from disappearing. I have no idea why, but I’d like to find out.

After getting off the phone with her, I immediately googled, “estrogen priming IVF” because I’m obviously a glutton for punishment. Every single site was like, “This protocol is only for people with very low ovarian reserve.” For anyone who is blissfully unaware of all things infertility, low ovarian reserve is really bad. All of my previous tests for ovarian reserve came back normal, so I don’t know what’s going on here. Maybe it’s the birth control’s fault?

Anyway, I have billion questions for my doctor. She did actually call me Friday evening to see if I had any questions and “wanted to chat” (love her), but unfortunately I missed the call. Hopefully we can connect tomorrow.

If you’re still reading (I’m pretty sure this is the most boring post I’ve ever written), can you please send me some cyst-shrinking prayers/thoughts/vibes? I’m kind of glad that I have another few weeks to just kind of chill, but after that, I really hope I can finally start. But in order for that to happen, this cyst needs to go away or at least get smaller. I’m looking into every natural remedy in the book, including herbs from my acupuncturist. Today, I tried apple cider vinegar mixed with water. Why that’s supposed to work, I don’t know. A couple times a day, I’m visualizing the cyst shrinking, shrinking, shrinking. We’ll see.

And maybe, if you can spare ‘em, send over some overall happy thoughts. I’m trying not to get discouraged, but I am hoping things will go a bit smoother from here on out. I’m trying to be calm and still so I can feel that presence around me–the one that says, “Mama, I’m coming, don’t worry.” I’m trying to send the “what if” thinking packing and just believe that this is all part of The Plan.

But sometimes it’s hard. And by sometimes, I mean right now.

Anyway, that’s all I got. Next ultrasound is on the 28th. I’ll be sure to keep you posted on the next episode of As The Ovaries Turn.

16 thoughts on “IVF #1: Future Still Uncertain

  1. Shrink cyst SHRINK!!!! I am thinking about you and hope the ivf can start for you soon, Maybe we will be running side by side on this journey after all. My af came yesterday so I will be hopefully starting the beginning of next cycle which will be around the 13th of November. Oh it is all confusing stuff isn’t it, good idea writing a list of questions as you think of them.

    1. I know, I was just thinking that yesterday, that maybe we’d be cycle buddies after all. I think if I start with this current plan it will be in November as well. Fingers crossed! Thanks for the thoughts!

  2. Ugh hon. You’ve had a lot of stuff to process lately. I don’t think you have a low ovarian reserve (given you had 20 at the beginning of last cycle – you reserve just doesn’t disappear), I just think some of what you have been on hasn’t worked for your follicles. Your Dr seems good so she is going to work on getting your system back. You have all my positive cyst shrinking thoughts and juju that i can muster up. Don’t give up. You will get your baby. You will get your baby. You will get your baby.

    1. Thanks, girl. I really needed that “you will get your baby” chant today! I did talk to my doctor and she said that she doesn’t think I have low ovarian reserve, but that the cyst and the birth control did a double team and over suppressed me. So that’s a relief, phew. Can’t wait to hear about how you egg retrieval went!

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