IVF is so dramatic. I recently read a blog post where the author joked that every appointment during IVF will feel like the defining moment of your life. Sadly, this is true. I’ve felt crazed after my last two appointments. Like, holy crap, end-of-the-world crushed. And then an hour or two passes and I’m like, oh yeah, this is not the end of the world, not even freaking close.

I had my follow up appointment yesterday morning. The cyst hasn’t budged. In fact, it might be ever-so-slightly bigger. That sucker is holding out. The doctor had me stop the pill and told me to come back in again on cycle day two. If the cyst has disappeared or significantly shrunk by then, and everything else looks good, I’ll start the injections that day. If not, then I might have to wait ’til January to finally start this cycle. Apparently, their lab is closed for a three-week period over the holidays and they don’t let you start if it looks like the end of your cycle might fall anywhere in that window.

After the appointment that morning, I was like Eeyore in over-the-knee boots, glumly going about my work, thinking, How can I possibly wait until January? My baby is never going to get here. I’m getting old. I’m probably too old to even be wearing these over-the-knee boots. 

But now? Meh. It is what it is. There’s nothing I can do to control the outcome, so I’m letting go. Of course I don’t want to wait ’til January and of course I’m bummed that the cyst hasn’t shrunk, but I really believe that what’s meant to be will be. I’ve had a lot going on with the car accident, millions of root canals, craziness at my job and Tim’s contract cancellation, so maybe it’s not the right time. Or maybe my baby really wants to be a Libra, who knows. Or maybe I’ll go back in a few days and they’ll be like, “Look at these perfect, cyst-free ovaries! Let’s start right this second!”

The point is, it’s all out of my hands. Whoooosh! That’s the sound of my worries being carried away by the wind.

So for now, the Drama Queen has left the building–at least until my next appointment!