A Baby Should Have Been Born Today

In a different world, one where there’s a happy ending to every story, a baby would have been born today. I’d be holding a floppy-headed blob in my arms. Lettie would be meeting her brother or sister for the first time. Tim would be thinking, Holy crap, we’re never going to sleep again.

We all know the story didn’t turn out that way. But I like to think that somewhere, in some alternate universe, it did. Somewhere there is a family of four just like ours. There is a little girl with curly hair and big blue eyes looking at a squirmy baby with a mixture sweetness and mischief. There’s a mom and a dad, falling head over heels for the precious, new life sleeping next to them.

Today would have been my due date. The days leading up to today have been harder than I expected. I don’t have much to say other than this: My heart is still broken. I wish more than anything that I could hold Gabriel today. Instead, there is a baby-shaped hole in our lives where he should be.

8 thoughts on “A Baby Should Have Been Born Today

  1. I have a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes reading this. Hold your family tight. Miss you Tanya. XO, Kris

  2. I am so so sorry sweetheart. I wish I could hold that baby too. I wish I could ease your pain. I can only send you love. Always.

  3. “Baby-shaped hole …” Wow. Out of something so sad comes some beautiful writing, at least.

    But I feel ya, sweetie. A December 2nd hasn’t gone by in 7 years that I don’t think about what could’ve been. Funny how we women can’t just let the dates fade back into the rest of the calendar.

    I wish you all peace and love … and hope.

    1. Thanks, Trish! I think it’s good we don’t let the dates fade. Someone should remember these babies because even though they were here for 2.5 seconds, they were incredibly loved. Xoxo.

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