Prayers For Peggy: Reflections On Love And Motherhood

You might have read in my previous post that my mom was back in the hospital again, this time with meningitis. The meningitis is under control, thank God, but my mom hated being in the hospital. She was miserable to the max. So a couple of days ago, she transferred to a hospice facility. I haven’t seen the place, but my mom, dad and brother say that it is wonderful. You can even bring your pets there if you like!

Hospice is a scary word. Once I heard she had transferred there, I did some research, and what I found made me feel better. Hospice is not about giving up hope, but rather it’s about regaining a better quality of life. It’s about being with your family. It’s about comfort and peace and love. My mom indeed seems much happier and much more comfortable there. And that, my friends, is all I could ever wish for my beloved mother: peace, comfort and buckets of love.

I’m going to put myself out there now and share a letter that I wrote to her because it also explores some of the thoughts and feelings I’ve been having about motherhood.

Dear Mom,

Since I’ve had my daughter, I’ve been thinking about you all the time. I don’t remember a lot from when I was very young, but the one thing that I do remember—strong and clear—is a feeling of overwhelming love for you. I think that’s my first real memory—not a place or a time, but a feeling of love for you. I was a true mama’s girl, as I’m sure you recall. I remember wanting to touch you and hug you and just generally wanting to be around you as much as possible. It occurred to me the other day that, before Tim, you were the original love of my life. Most people only associate that phrase with romantic love, but I think that’s silly. I am lucky enough to have three loves of my life: first there was you, then Tim and now there’s Colette. But you were first and I wanted you to know that.

Love,
Tanya

This letter, of course, became the family joke, with my dad and siblings crying that they “didn’t even make the list.” And to that I say, whatever, peeps. I gots plenty o’ love to go around.

I would be extremely grateful if you all could keep my mother in your thoughts and prayers. If you could send as much goodness as you can spare her way.

I love you like crazy, mom. I love you to the sky and back, and even further still. I love you all the way to the stars and the moon and into the furthest reaches of the ever-expanding universe. There is nowhere you can go where my love cannot reach you.

4 thoughts on “Prayers For Peggy: Reflections On Love And Motherhood

  1. My prayers will continue for you, your mom and your family. The journey of hospice is truly a peaceful gift during a difficult time. Your letter is absolutely beautiful and truly expresses the bond of motherhood. xoxox I am here if you need me!!!

  2. My heart is breaking for you, but your positive outlook is inspiring. Hospice is a gift in so many ways. Knowing your sweet mama is away from the scary hospital and surrounded by peace and love is about as much comfort as you can hope for in a time like this. I can’t know exactly how you feel, but I know how I felt going through this and I want you to know that I am here for you in any way possible. I love you very much. I hate that this is happening. Whatever you need, I am here. xoxo

  3. That is a beautiful letter. I DO have many memories of when you were little and everyone loved you so much, you were a gift. I am glad you have the connection you do with mom. I also want you to know that we are all going through this together and if there is anything you need I am here for you. If you need to talk about anything I am available anytime.. I have been having many heartfelt conversations with Darren and I always feel a little better afterwards. This is not easy stuff we will get through it together as a family. I love you!

  4. Tanya: I have been where you are right now and I don’t think I was as graceful and accepting as you are, especially with post-baby hormones rushing through you! Your mom seems to know what she needs right now. I am so proud of you for handling it day by day and being a fantastic daughter while you are learning how to mother yourself. I agree with what the above posters have written – call me anytime, even to scream. Hugs to you, Peggy, Tim, your dad, and of course Ms. Colette.

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