30 Weeks: Anxiety City

I thought the worrying was supposed to let up after the “dangerous” first trimester. No? Ok, but then definitely after a healthy 20-week ultrasound. Still no? Well, for sure after that first baby kick.

Right?

Nope.

If anything, I’m more anxious during the third trimester than anytime before. Why?

I have no idea.

If anyone wants to psychoanalyze that, take your best shot. It makes no sense to me. It’s the final stretch. Everything has been going smoothly up until this point. The chances of something bad happening are rare.

Yet. I worry. And worry.

And worry.

And I am exhausted from all of the worrying.

The cycle of “what if” thinking is unrelenting. I’m flying across the country this week. What if something happens during the flight? I haven’t felt Baby move all day. What if something’s wrong? I’m having tons of Braxton Hicks contractions. What if I’m in premature labor? Oh my gosh, I’m so worried about everything. What if that hurts the baby? And so on and so on and so on.

I’d love some wine. Or a Xanax. But alas, it’s not in the cards right now. I’m trying to fight the anxiety by going to therapy and acupuncture and doing things that relax me, like reading and watching bad TV. But none of that seems to be working lately.

I guess the only thing to do is to power through and attempt to beat back the anxiety monster with a stick. Stay back, you nasty little thing!

On a much lighter and more awesome note, I had my first of two baby showers this weekend! Tim’s mom, Eileen, threw a shindig for Tim’s side of the family on Sunday. It was wonderful to be around so many people who were so excited about the Little Fish’s arrival. Eileen even made Baby a beautiful quilt! She also periodically sent pictures of the party to my mom so she could feel like she was there. How thoughtful is that? She’s pretty much the bees-knees, that Eileen. Check out some pics below:

There’s A Monster At The End Of This Book was my favorite book when I was a wee one. Eileen gave Little Fish Tim’s copy of this book from when he was a kid. She’s been saving it all these years!
Me and Auntie Meg
Tim’s aunt and cousin made a beautiful baby scrapbook.
Each page of the scrapbook had a coordinating book that went with it. This was the “daddy” page.
The quilt! Baby’s going to love staring at all of those colors and patterns. Look at the happy expression on Eileen’s face!

And finally, here’s the requisite 30 week pic. Kind of hard to see that belly with all of the black.

6 thoughts on “30 Weeks: Anxiety City

  1. Good for you for speaking up about your experience. I forwarded this post to a friend of mine who is finding pregnancy to be more of an emotional rollercoaster than she expected, and I’m sure your honesty will be inspiring to many mamas. And, that quilt is amazing. Wrap yourself up in it and take deep breaths of all the love sewed into it!

  2. Thank you so much for the shout out! I had a great time and was happy to see our little one get some needed gear….and books!

    Love, Eileen

  3. so happy that you were surrounded by the love and support of family and friends. what thoughtful gifts! hope you created lots of memories that you can share with the little one when she arrives.
    the anxiety is only natural just try once in awhile to focus on the gratitude of pregnancy so that you have an opportunity to cherish what your body is doing. when i got too overwhelmed and anxious i just tried to remind myself that it was an honor to be pregnant and it was my responsibility as a woman and especially as an IF woman to embrace the procees with hope more often than with worry.

  4. I remember talking to you probably just around this time of my pregnancy (maybe a little earlier) telling you all my worries and you told me ‘Ashley, don’t worry!’ So I’ll say the same to you ‘Tanya, don’t worry!’ Even though that doesn’t necessarily work, maybe it will temporarily 🙂 I think it must be pretty normal to be feeling worried around this time. I think as the baby grows it becomes more and more real to you, in turn becoming more scary to think about something bad happening. My mantra was ‘don’t think that something’s gone wrong until someone (a doctor, a midwife) told you it has.’ It didn’t always work, but sometimes it helped…

    1. I want you to remember that baby girl Best has had a lot of time to practice the words. “Mommy, I love you all the way to the Sky and Back”

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